Most of the TV channels and Radio have reported a story today.

“A 14 year old girl has died following a vaccination against Cervical Cancer”, they lead, but here’s the bit, “No connection with the Vaccination has been established”!

So why mention it you idiots?  If there’s no connection, what’s the story?  It is totally inappropriate, unreliable and shows a total lacking any sense of responsibility.  I see this as a deliberate attempt to create a scare story.  They did it with MRSA and Swine Flu.  Now there’s a new target.

All it needs is for a few people to not have the vaccination because of the implied link and there’s a serious problem.  Okay, it’s not infectious, but if somebody contracts the disease and dies as a consequence of not having the vaccine, then the media is guilty of contributing to that death.

There may well be some link, but until there is, it is NOT a story.  If and when a link is made, then there IS a story.  At that time, the responsibility is to report it factually, accurately and supported by proper expert analysis.

POST UPDATE – 6:15pm Here we go.
Already on the BBC News the story has escalated into “Parents of Children are being urged not to panic”, together with ‘Computer Generated’ images of what a Cervical Cancer Cell looks like.  Now I wonder why they need to show that.

In addition there are  graphs to illustrate how many children have ‘side affects’.  What they don’t say is that these side effects include reports of   ‘a sore arm’ and ‘tingling in the arm’  while  some have complained of feeling ‘faint’.  I know what you mean mate, I feel faint at the thought of a needle!

Watch this space…

I’m not going to suggest that what I am about to describe is a new thing, it is the whole scale and spread of the phenomenon that gets me. I’m talking about a general lack of respect from people to audiences and performers.  In the cinema, at the theatre, at concerts and on TV entertainment shows.

It’s a fair while since we went to the cinema, not that I don’t like it, quite the reverse, but it is the atmosphere. Whilst there is no performer to offend, nonetheless people’s attitudes can be disrespectful and certainly bloody infuriating for others.

Why is it that cinemas feel compelled to sell crisps and popcorn in the bars and foyer  Even the sweets are in noisy plastic bags. They could at least use low-noise wrappings.  But that’s not going to help with some old git rattling a ‘Wurthers Original’ around his false teeth.  The stupidest thing is that people seem to think that by opening their sweets very slowly it will make less noise.  And whilst we’re at it, it’s not just noise that offends.  I absolutely hate the smell of ‘Red Bull’.  I can smell it through brick walls!  In fairness I’ve never tasted it; I have never been able to get my nose close enough to the stuff!  So how come I always get a load of 6′ 6″ students quaffing Red Bull, eating bags of Nachos and Giant bags of caramel popcorn sat in front of me?  You’ve got to wonder if it’s the general consistency of popcorn that triggers coughing that escalates to what sounds like a full blown outbreak of TB.

What really pisses me off though is the inability of British audiences to sit through a live show regardless of it’s genre; theatre, pop, general entertainment, whatever, without joining in.  It’s not just the domain of pop concerts, I’ve read reports of theatre goers who have to endure the die hard fans of the show, who scream, literally a high pitched screaming, at a note in the middle of a song they found particularly impressive, or try and start applause for a song way before it’s even over.  In fairness, at a live concert, a good solo from a drummer, guitarist, sax player or whatever, almost demands an appreciative applause, but not a whole load of whoopin’, hollerin’, whistlin’ and screamin’ all the way through it.  It’s getting to the point were if some idiots phone goes off, the rest of the crowd starts clapping in time with it!

We where in Cancun Mexico a couple of years ago and there was an incredible Michael Jackson ‘lookalike’ whom we had gone to see a second time.  There was a young girl sat to one side who jumped to her feet and started screaming hysterically at the act.  Her boyfriend who was a seriously evil looking gangster stood up in embarrassment and walked to the other side of the room, she was terminally screwy!

But worst of all why oh why do people have to clap?  Half the cretins couldn’t clap in time if someone was beating them over the head with a metronome.  And what’s with all this waving.  They can’t even wave in time to the music, let alone synchronise the waving.  Don’t think for a moment that it’s spontaneous, ask yourself who is controlling the microphones that are pointed at the audience in a recorded TV show. I’ll go as far as to suggest that there is some pinhead whose job, (I use the term loosely), it is to encourage “Clap Now”.  Have you ever thought whether anybody would buy an album where the music was drowned out by the discordant cacophony of an audience’s clapping and whooping?  What if there was a button on the remote control that could turn the clapping off?  Is there anybody on this planet who wouldn’t use it?

It does though feel symptomatic of a much bigger problem, which is we seem to have lost all sense of performance etiquette.

I just could not resist this story! 

BUNDANOON residents literally sang the praises of Australia’s first bottled-water free town at the launch of the Bundy-On-Tap….

Bundanoon goes bottle free – Local News – News – General – Southern Highland News

And how they did it. 
Can we do it? Yes of course we can!

Source: bowral.yourguide.com.au

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math’s test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” Paddy says? “Dat’s easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9″, says Paddy.

“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”

Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree..

“Ere ye go..”

The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99.”

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”

Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere ye go. One hundred.”

The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”

Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, “A little dog came along and pooped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!”

(This joke was stolen from the <<UK>>Snipers ‘Funny Stuff’ website, contributed by <<UK>>DeadAgain).

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought20them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’
Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, ‘Notice anything different NOW?’
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!’
Furious, Bert yelled, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’
‘Nope’, she replied.
‘IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!’
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,

‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert!!!!!!.

(Thanks to Karen for this one).

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************

My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…
******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it ….. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started…..
*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started…
******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive… so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started…
******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a perso n could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. “I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
******************************************

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..

Eating watermelon has a similar effect on the body to Viagra, according to researchers in the US.#

Does this mean we can all expect endless Spam offering black-market Watermelon?

I have been a little anxious for a few days now.  I should have gone to Birmingham to get my Post Op Biopsy report but I cancelled it as I would rather speak with Mr Borley my original consultant.  This was this morning.

The bottom line is that there are no outstanding tumours.  They got everything that the CT scans, MRI scan and surgery revealed.  To all intent and purpose, I am clear!

Of course there is always a possibility that it can recur, although the longer time goes on the less the likelihood.  No Chemotherapy, nothing else to do.  I’m not out of the woods yet, but this is about as good news as I could possibly get.

I know I’ve said this many times before, but many thanks to everybody who has posted comments on the forum.  It really does make all the difference in the world to know that there are people out there sharing this with me.

I will continue to post updates on the cancer stuff, but I will switch focus a little to the more fun side of the site, so don’t stop visiting and don’t stop your comments.

Next job is to try and work out a way to wrangle another holiday.

Sometimes some people’s use of the english language baffles me. Talk Talks’ new message is:

“Brighter Phone and Broadband”.

The Institute of Marketing reports, “To launch the new campaign, TalkTalk has produced a manifesto focusing on keeping customers’ bills low, making their lives simpler, and delivering the highest performing connection, which 90% of customers rate as better than other providers”.

Fair enough. But what the hell has “Brighter Phone and Broadband” got to do with that?

I’ve just started putting together some songs I have done. I know that they are not world class so are simply offered as my interpretation of a few songs I enjoy.
I hope that you do too.

First offering is ‘Crazy’.  This is an acoustic version of the song made popular by Gnarls Barkley.  However, this version in more like the Ray Lamontagne version but with my own guitar arrangement.

Now let’s get this understood, right from the start.  I am NOT having a go at cats.  I like cats, I respect cats, I have owned cats and as much as any human is able, I understand cats.

For some people, a cat is a positive blessing.  It has been scientifically proven that owning cats is good for our health and can decrease the occurrence of high blood pressure and other illnesses. Stroking a cat can help to relieve stress, and the feel of a purring cat on your lap conveys a strong sense of security and comfort.

It wasn't me, I just found it!

So what’s the whinge?
Earlier this week I went into the garden only to find feathers everywhere.  There had been another murder!

About six times this year, in my small garden alone, I have found six birds killed by cats.  How do I know it’s cats?, Because I have seen them with birds and because I am forever chasing them from the garden where they lie in wait.  I have witnessed it.  That’s why I am sure it’s cats.

I know that cats are territorial, but there are five cats that regularly use my garden as a killing field, a toilet, a battleground and a knocking shop.  What other ‘pet’ is allowed to do that? Cats are the only pets that are permitted to wander freely at will to do whatever they want.  If I owned a dog and it wandered into your garden, (especially on a regular basis), and defecated on your veg patch, sat on your lawn and barked throughout the night, used your patio as a bonking area and ate your cat, you would be up in arms and looking for revenge.  So what is it with cats that renders them immune?

For the moment, I want to just focus on the predatory nature of the cat.  I recognise that  people are prone to judging the hunting habits of cats by our own moral standards, but the fact of it is that , cats are solitary predatory hunters.  Even for a well fed cat the motivation to hunt is quite separate from its desire to satisfy hunger.  Out on the prowl, the feline taste for blood appears insatiable, with few British animals off the menu.  A study by The Mammal Society which looks at the species preyed on by cats shows that the most commonly killed birds are, in order, house sparrows, blue tits, blackbirds, starlings and robins.  Commonly cats will also take wood pigeons, adult squirrels, rats, mice, voles, shrews, slow-worms and young rabbits.  Most of these creatures will be tortured to death.  They cut a swathe through the nation’s wildlife, said the Mammal Society – which reckons some 275 million animals meet their maker under a cat’s paw every year.

There are currently over 10 million cats in the UK and according to the RSPCA, a single female moggy, left unchecked, could spawn a bloodline of 50 million cats during a 10-year life span.  They are rapidly becoming a major problem to the wildlife of the UK.

So what can be done?

A correctly-fitted collar can help stop cats from catching birds

The Feline Advisory Bureau and the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds, not obvious bedfellows, have united in endorsing quick-release cat collars mounted with bells as one of the best ways of reducing wildlife kill rates. In tests, cats wearing these collars killed 41% fewer birds and 34% fewer mammals than those with a plain collar. Collars with electronic sonic devices achieved even better results.

There are easy solutions that cat-owners can do to help.  Open-all-hours cat flaps allow a cat to be outside when birds are at their most vulnerable. Birds are most active an hour after sunrise and an hour before sunset, which makes these periods the best times to feed and, therefore, it makes sense to keep cats indoors during these hours.

There is one other compelling reason to do this.  If you want your pet cat to enjoy a long life; the average life span of a free-to-roam cat is about 3 to 5 years while an indoor-only cat can live 16 years or much longer.

I’ve just seen an advert for Oxford Notepads.
The selling point?

“Made from ‘optia’ so that you can write on both sides of the paper”.

Right. Now that’s one hell of a technological breakthrough.
Think of the potential!

“Yes there are more jobs, Yes there are more people in work, yes there are less people out of work, but this is going to take a long time before it affects unemployment”.

I didn’t catch the author of this but I think it was Kevin Green, chief executive of the Recruitment & Employment Confederation.

I threw caution to the wind and went out and bought the guitar, a Lag Tramontane GLAT222ASCE.

I had called one of my clients, Andrew, who owns Millennium Music in Cheltenham.  I know he sells ‘LAG’ guitars because that is where I bought my electric from.  He hadn’t got one in stock but arranged to have one in on Thursday for me to try.  Wednesday afternoon he was on the phone telling me what an incredible guitar it was.  He was completely blown away by it.

Karan drove me into town on Thursday and  I got my first look at it.  The immediate reaction was how small it was, then how light it was. I am used to playing a 1965 ‘EKO Ranger VI Original which weighs more than I do!

My big fear was that it was going to loose out on the bass due to its size.  Not a bit of it.  Crystal clear and a full range of tones.  (I had it restrung with ‘Elixir 10-47 Extra-Light strings before I left the shop and it lost nothing). It was so responsive that I could sense a whole new world opening up.

It has a built in pre-amp that I was eager to hear.  I have started doing a lot of recording and I wanted to be able to get a very clear sound plugged straight into both my ‘Slagg’ amplifier and my PC.  Millennium stock Slagg so I was able to test it on the right kit.  Apart from a dodgy lead in the shop it was amazing.  It was a no brainer and I bought it there and then.

The real bonus came when I got it home and plugged into my own amp with my own lead.  Now this was REALLY an incredible sound.  Using low settings on everything with a slight touch of ‘spring reverb’ it gave me exactly the sound I have been looking for.  My style involves a mix of finger-picking and strum.  When I strum, I tend to use the pick to play melody along with the rhythm.  I also now only use the very small ‘Dunlop Jazz’ picks.  This allows me to ‘deaden’ the strings to add punch.  It’s a bit like what they term a ‘throwdown’.

This is quite simply the best acoustic guitar I have ever played!

After a loooong wait, I finally had an Ultrascan which proved all clear.  No fluids, so the drain could come out.

We went up to the ward as per our arrangement we had made on Wednesday, but nobody knew of it.  The Sister was concerned that they would need a bed for me and that normally it requires me to be under observation for 6 hours before I could go home.  Also, they had no nurse available for 3 hours.

Eventually, a nurse called somebody who said they would see to me in 5 – 10 mins.  That stretched to 45 and I was getting more and more anxious.  Eventually, a Consultant arrived and ushered us into a side room.  He said that it seemed silly to wait 3 hours for a two minute job and that he would do it himself.

I asked if he did this often, “I take livers out for a living” he replied.  “Yes, but usually your patients are unconscious!” I said.  He told me not to be so anxious.  How the hell do you do that when the last time I had this procedure it was agony.

“Just snipping the retaining stitch”, he said, “Think of your favourite beach”.
“Sorry, you’re going to need more than simple diversionary tactics on me”, I said.
“Okay then, are you ready? he asked “,  “Yes, get on with it,” I said in anticipation.
“Get on with what?”, he said, waving the drain in his right hand, “It’s out”.
No 6 hour wait either, I could go home.

I couldn’t say that it was painless because that would imply I was aware that something didn’t hurt.  I just didn’t know he had even done it!  A total non-event. I was, and am still, gobsmacked.

It turns out that he was the surgeon that had done the operation in the first place.  Incidentally, I also learned that the radiographer that had done the Ultrascan earlier in the day was the same bloke who did the RFA on the liver during the operation.  Privileged or what?

The District Nurse came around yesterday and we spent an entertaining 30 minutes removing the clips from my chest.  Oh how we laughed!  God forbid there’s a next time, but I want Velcro if there is.

I got the Doc to come around as well because I was having a lot of pain from the site of the drain.  Out of proportion to what it is.  He gave it the all clear regarding infection, but confirmed that it was a waste of time as it wasn’t actually doing anything.

I called the hospital, who said that if I turn up on Friday on the ward, they will remove it then.  Once that damned thing is out, I can start to feel that I am on the mend properly.

The whole episode with the drain is farcical. When I was discharged from hospital, I was given a ‘portable’ collection bag.  However, they could not find an appropriate one so they used a 500ml Urine drain bag. That’s 100 times larger than it need be.  So in total, I have 12″ inside the chest which emerges at the waist.  (Incidentally, there is a hole in the tube as it exits the body, only spotted yesterday by the District Nurse).  This tube then is attached to another 12″ of tube on the bag, then 10″ of the bag itself, then 6″ of further tubing and tap.  Stood upright, the whole thing drags on the floor and therefore needs to be tied to the leg day and night. All this for a maximum of 5ml which stopped on day two out of hospital.

It was nice to have had a visit from a friend Richard Steele today, always makes me smile and always a gentleman.

A blast from the past! 20 years ago playing Bass for Ricochet.

I’ve been digging around and found a couple of crude recordings of Ricochet, my old band.

They were all done in the main hall at Gloscat on a tiny little cassette player, hence the really poor quality.  On top of that, they have been lying in an old trunk for 20 years!

The first one was our ‘signature’ tune, and I’ve forgotten what we called it. (So I have just called it ‘Ricochet’). It was the first number we wrote and the live version was an audience favorite. This was a rehearsal version.

The second one is ‘Raymonds Road II’. You can get the influence from Beggars Opera here. Again, a rehearsal version.

Finally, Jailhouse Jazz was just a Jam we did during rehearsals and kept it in the set. More to come…

About the only people who may remember this are Rich, Loo and Karan.

It was Ricochet playing at the first ‘Red Nose Day’ held at the GlosCat campus in Gloucester.

Amazingly, Ricochet went on to enjoy some moderate success, playing a few times at the old ‘Malt and Hops’, a Bikers pub in Gloucester.  One night in particular, the landlord was so concerned that a fight had broken out he nearly closed the pub.  In fact, it was all the crowd stood on their seats cheering a guitar solo from band guitarist, Phil Webb!  The return night put Ricochet as the highest paid local band at the time.

The full line-up was, Tim Nelms, (keyboards & vocals), Mike Poyner (drums), Roger Nuttall (bass, acoustic and occasional vocals).  Phil Webb was the lead guitarist and vocals for some 9 months but left when he finished college early.

Music was a weird cross between ZZ-Top, Genesis and Beggars Opera, honest!  The ZZ-Top influence came very much a showcase for Phil’s amazing guitar skills.  The Genesis influence came from Tim and Beggars Opera came from myself and were  both an excellent vehicle for Tim’s keyboard skills.  Having said that, 90% of the music was written by Ricochet and only took influence from others.  The exceptions were ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ and ‘Rough Boy’ which remained in our repertoire from day one.

If there is one sad note, it is that an amazing ‘live’ recording of that night at the Malt and Hops was given to a friend of a friend for copying; we never saw the tape or the friend of a friend again.  If anybody has some decent cassette to MP3 setup, I’ve got a fair few tapes and wouldn’t mind resurrecting them